Well, Its my birthday. I'm officially 36 today! We had some big plans of going to LEGOLAND, a local amusement park, but It's not gonna happen. These kids are so burnt and crispy. We need some down time. I woke up this morning actually hoping they would sleep in a bit so I could type alone. Two of them were up with in minutes of me. There is almost always immediate whining when I wake up. I just hoped for my birthday Id get a few minutes alone. Am I complaining?
In a heated Facebook discussion, I was told recently that I complain a lot about "all these kids": and yet I keep having them. I didn't put much stock in this opinion. It comes from a person with one child with whom she struggles and complains about often. It did however, get me thinking. I have always been curious of others perceptions of things. It's not necessarily that I care about others opinions, but more that I wonder what they are. I probably do complain about my babies...I also praise them. I probably don't talk about much else seeing as how my kids consume most of my life. I had imagined my Facebook was full of witty comments, interesting articles on factory farms, Non- Gmo propaganda, and beautiful pictures of my family, but apparently It's full of me bitching. Well, oh freakin well! Stay at home moms know, our adult interaction can be very limited. If I use my face book to vent..so be it...and if you don't like it: Don't read it!
I want to touch more on the idea of perception. I can be a very judgmental. I think we all can. Its something I have really been trying to work on. I have recently learned that our perception of things is sometimes so far off, it was a waste of time to even form that opinion. An example would be all those perfectly perfect mommies I thought existed. They seemed so together, so on top of it. That was my perception but was probably more my own insecurities making me think other mommies were doing so much better than I was. I have the perfect story to express how wrong perception can be.
Last year when #2 was in kindergarten, I was preggers with #5. I tend to be a bit anti-social when pregnant. I feel like my body has been taken over by a space-alien. I worry I will transform into this clumsy, emotional basket case right in front of people, so I stick to myself. The parking situation at my daughters school was such a pain in the tookus. It required parking in a big dirt lot and waddling my big pregnant butt onto campus, directing her, while holding my then 3 and 1 year olds sons hands. My sons would want to adorably and frustratingly stop and admire every rock, or single blade of grass. It look what seemed like forever. I would take numerous deep breaths and nod encouragingly at all their little discoveries. All the while, inwardly impatient, trying to get it over with so I could pee for the 12th time that morning. There was another mother of two daughters, one in #2s kindergarten class and another that seemed to be about one. This mother was always really kind when I'd run into her. I didn't reach out much, I was too pregnant. Towards the middle of the year she started parking right in front of the school, sometimes in the handicap spots, sometimes in the principle spot. I remember really resenting her. I hated the drop-off and pick-up procedure. I wanted to park closer. I wanted to leave the boys in the car so my daughter could walk the 10ft to class. Who, does she think she is? What's so special about her that she has the nerve to park wherever she wants. It came to my attention towards the end of the year that her youngest daughter was very sick. That mommy had received special permission to use those spots to drop off her kindergartener. Her one year old was going through Chemo. Her sweet tiny daughter could not be exposed to all the germs of an elementary school.
Now, the tables were turned. Who was I to judge this woman? I didn't know her circumstances. I made assumptions. Ugly assumptions. I was the jerk. Now, I have to tell you this realization changed my life. I have no idea what is going on in other peoples lives. Unless they tell me directly, It is unfair to make harsh judgments.. I deeply treasure this life lesson. It was beyond eye opening. The best part of this story is that after I gave birth to #5, returned to my non-alien self, this mother and I became very close very fast. I would say today she is one of the best friends I have ever had in my life. I have learned so much from her. She has taught me about being truly grateful. I have learned the depth in which something deserves to be complained about. I admire her so much. I now know how wrong my perception can be. I also know how ridiculous it is to complain about life's little problems. There are real problems out there. Big ones! Ridiculous as it is, we all still do it. I cant say that Ive stopped complaining, apparently its all I do on Facebook. However, I am sure as hell a lot more grateful. I am extremely grateful to have her in my life. I am grateful, I have healthy children...healthy children that drive me crazy and yes...I complain about them. I just complain a lot less. Thank you my friend. You are an inspiration. I love the lessons you have taught me. I hope this story touches others and teaches them a thing or two. Next time that inner judgmental Beyatch wants to rear her presumptuous opinion. Shut her down! WE have no idea what others are going through. WE should look with compassion. If WE must assume, lets assume with love, Let's assume the best. We are all in this together and in truth not that much different from each other. Let the mommy wars end.
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