A little background

My parents are wonderful selfless dysfunctional people. They raised me in Suburbia. Actually, 4 years ago( 3 kids ago) They lived very close.  I mentioned yesterday my belongings driving away in an old trailer. They brought that trailer down for us to load. Our new home is very close to theirs. I am really looking forward to being near them again. They are absolutely fabulous grandparents. On the other hand I worry a bit for my sanity. When they first moved, I missed them terribly. I hadn't realized how much I leaned on them until they moved. I only had two kids at the time. My husband and I still went out, had dates, saw movies, and had alone time. I actually had sick days when I was sick. I could go to the doctor or dentist by myself. Not anymore! Unless, Im super duper sick and the hubby has to stay home...I muddle through it. All five of my babies go to appts with me at times. Honestly, it makes me feel like a rockstar. Don't get me wrong, we are a circus and people stare. I like to believe its in amazement of how well-behaved they all are. LOL. What do I know, could be their disgust in my mission to single-handedly repopulate the earth. Anyway, as hard as it was to begin to do all of this without my parents, it has been amazing. My self confidence is at an all time high. When I say I feel like a rockstar..I really do. I have pride. How do I do this? How do I take care of five kids? I just do and Im pretty darn good at it! Being a mommy is the first thing in my life that I actually feel good at. Now, let me explain the background on that,
My dad is a recovering Alcoholic. As a child he was mean. He would berate me on a nightly basis as to what a loser I was or how I screwed up everything I did. As a result my self-esteem was almost non-existent. It has been through my own issues with addiction and watching him be "Pop Pop" to my kids now that I was able to forgive him.
 In the distance between us these last four years, I have changed, grown...blossomed. I realized I don't need them. I'm capable. I have reflected and realized how dependent I was on their approval. I leaned on them, which contributed to me feeling inadequate. The dynamic of dysfunctional families is hard to break. I believed I am strong enough now. I will do what I think is right. I will raise my kids the way I want. I will accept opinions, but I get final say(Ask My Husband). I am far from perfect but I am good enough.