Life with Kids-Advice from a mother of 5~!!

Thought I'd share a few things I have learned having five kids. Some ideas may seem obvious but others didn't set in for me until well into life with 5 kids.

1. Relax- Being stressed out just sets a stressed out example for your kids. They will learn quickly to stress and do it often. Show them how to calm down, relax, and enjoy life. Stress is a part of life but it doesn't have to be the main event. When stress is legit, try to give examples of good stress management. It's ok to tell the kids you need a break. Take a bath. Go for a run. Scream in your pillow. Even have a cocktail, as long as its not the only example you give.

2. Let it go. It can't all be done. Point, blank, period. Its not possible to make every party or event. It is so overwhelming to try to get every chore done. They just start right over so why fret? Set aside a certain amount of time to clean everyday and do what you can. Balance responsibilities with fun. Accomplish with out overdoing it. Prioritize. Good moms have laundry piles, sticky floors, and happy kids.

3. Pick your battles. Most children are pretty much constant button pushers. It takes a lot of repetition and consistency. There has to be a little give and take between you and the kids. Stick to your guns on the big stuff but let up a little on the little things. It gives kids a sense of self and accomplishment. I am finding this exceptionally true as I begin to raise a teenager. She wants to feel independent and I need her to follow the rules. A little compromise goes along way in building a strong relationship.

4. When in doubt- Play! Overwhelmed? Tired? Stressed? Drop it all....sit on the floor...grab a doll....or some play dough and just play. Be present! Soak up that amazing light that is your child! Even if it's just for 10 minutes.  It will make you both feel so much better! I swear!

5. Acces the danger. How hurt could they actually get? If the outome may be a scratch on the knee or a bump....ride it out. Scars build character. The world is a hard place and you cant keep your kids in a bubble. Let them learn to cope with the small stuff...it's good practice for life's bigger boo-boos.

6. Push the limits of your comfort zone. Hate bugs? Pretend to love them. Dislike pickles? At least let your kids try them. Don't let your fear or anxieties shape your children's.

7. Don't sweat the small stuff.  There are a lot of little trails in child raising. Cut yourself and your child a break. In the scheme of things...most of it's not a big deal! Accidents, mistakes, forgetfulness....It's gonna happen. Go with the flow. Focus on the positive! Save the worry for deserving issues. Finding out your baby has cancer, now that is something to freak out about. They forgot their lunch box or the car got a flat...not a biggie. Put things in perspective! Teach your kids reasonable emotional reactions!

9. Accept. Accept yourself. Accept them. Accept the mess. Accept you will be late on occasion. Accept stains. Accept spills. Accept lack of sleep. The more you accept that these things will happen the easier your life will be.

10. Be prepared-Expect the unexpected. Bring juice boxes. emergency lollipops. snacks, change of cloths, first aid kit, or cash. Things can change pretty quickly with kids. Don't be blindsided by a detour-Go with it!

11. Sing. Make everything into a song. Life with kids is much better as a musical.

12.  Lower your expectations. Not of your children but on situations. Face it- you'll be late sometimes. Your kids will be dirty. You will be tired...so will they. Setting too high a standard is a recipe for disaster. Life is what happens when we make plans.

13. Try, Try again.  If your little one spits out the first olive he eats, try another one in a few months. Perhaps the first attempt at soccer is a disaster. Don't give up! Sometimes, we decide what they are good at or what they like/don't like before they do. Don't define them. Life is new as a child. Let them explore and try again.

We have taken our first step to becoming foster parents!

I am so excited. I am literally shaking. I just got off the phone with the new foster parent coordinator for Southern Oregon. We have signed up for the first part of the process, which is a series of 8 classes. After we take the classes, we will begin the application process. That's the hard part. They will do home inspections, run background checks, and check our references. It can take up to 6 months before a child is placed in the home. I'm not sure I can explain how much I want this. In my time of active addiction I witnessed children in horrible situations.  I helped where I could but it was never enough. Children without food. Kids with mean screaming abusive parents. Children left alone...for way too long. Dirty and frightened little babies. It was heartbreaking. No Christmas tress. No birthday parties. No security. No love. When I left that life, I swore I would pay back all the wrong I had done. I decided shortly after getting clean that I wanted to be a foster parent. My husband and I tried in San Diego after we got married. I was told more time needed to pass between me and my past for me to be considered. Even then it was unlikely. At the time, I was pretty devastated. I learned that policies for foster care were different in Oregon, which made just another reason to move. Anyway, I'm here now and I'm trying again. I want this so badly. I have done my share of procreation, I think it would be awesome to spread the love. There are so many children out there in need. I am apprehensive. It is possible I wont qualify. I'll keep my fingers crossed that Oregon will bring yet another dream come true. If not, I may just have to pop out one more.

Get your face out of your f*cking phone!!!!!!

 I can't be the only person worried about this phone obsessed generation. I recently took my 12 year old daughter to her first concert and was blown away by the lack of interaction. The crowd consisted of mostly teenagers. At least half of them had their faces buried in their phones. They were texting during the concert. Putting themselves on Facebook or Instagram. What happened to enjoying the moment? Being present? Phones seem to have become a security blanket for a lot of people. Awkward in a crowd...get on your phone. Waiting in line....stare at your phone. People have to be missing some possible epic encounters.

Another thing that absolutely drives me crazy is chidren staring at phones in restaurants. Mommy and daddy want to talk so they pop a video on for junior. Toddlers stare  with blank faces at tiny screens, picking at their food and hardly interacting. Even better is when a child starts to act out and a phone is immediately put in front of them. What is the message? What happened to teaching our children how to act in public?  These phases will pass. Its possible children will learn to make eye contact on their own. It's possible the ability to make small talk will develop. I just have my doubts. It seems our connection to each other is diminishing.

At the grocery store the other day a car was backing up from a parking spot right into my daughter. I started yelling and approached the window. The driver literally had his phone right in his face. Needless to say I had some harsh words for the man. "Get your face out of your "f*cking phone...you almost hit my daughter.

In general, I think it's time we all put the f*cking phone down. There is at time and place for the phone.  Not for driving. Not at the dinner table...not at a freakin concert, its not a babysitter, and it's far from a lesson in etiquette.  Hello??? Life is going on all around you. Embrace it! Face up. Phone down. Smile! Have a conversation! Interact with each other. No one will ever die wishing they had spent more time on their phone!!!

10 Things that are better in the country!!!!

1. The Stars. The night sky is covered in a confetti of  beautiful stars. They are mind-blowing out here. Diamonds in the sky, glowing so brightly and clear!

2. The Pace. Everything is done slower in the country. There is less need for instant gratification. People practice patience. Even driving slower seems to slow the internal clock down. Slowing down is very stress-reducing.

3. The Doctor. There is no rush or impatience on the doctors part. If anything, they almost seem willing to chat longer if I had more to say. It feels like they actually listen and take their time. It is so pleasant and comforting.

4. The Crowd. Perhaps, I should say the lack of one. It is so nice to be able to walk freely without getting lost in a heard. There are no lines. There is always a seat. Never a wait. It can be so enjoyable not dealing with the chaos of a crowd.

5. The People. Don't get me wrong, there are great people everywhere. However, in the country there is such a sense of community. People help each other. They reach out. They lean when they need to. People are available to each other. They make an effort and share. It is good for the soul to feel a part of a community.

6. The Outdoors. Nature is such a gift. Life engrossed in it is a true blessing. The air is fresh. The trees are majestic. Rivers. lakes, and creeks are everywhere. It is so healing to be surrounded by water. Coexisting with a variety of animals brings peace and balance. It's so real! It's so grounding!

7. The Cost. Almost everything is so much cheaper. There are a few exceptions...like Organic Vegan food but for the most part things cost a lot less. The Vet visit was $5. Our electric bill is super low. It costs $10 to go to the dump no matter what you have. I went to a pressure canning class that cost $5.

8. The Animals. I love animals and they are everywhere. There are horses, sheep, and cows. I've seen eagles, turkeys, deer, squirrels, and raccoons. Of course, we have to include all our animals.  We now have 3 goats, 2 pigs, 4 dogs, chickens, and 3 cats.

9. The Space.  It is so freeing to be surrounded by open spaces. There are no crowds. Things aren't so overwhelming and claustrophobic. Shopping is less stressful. Driving is easier. Breathing is bigger.  Space eases the pressure of everyday life.  There is less weight on our shoulders.

10. The Sex. Not sure if it's the minerals in the well water or the lack of stress but sex in the country is by far the best.

Mini Pigs are the Best!

I am totally in love with our new Mini Pig. We call her Missy Pig. Yesterday, she ran around the living room with a Valentines Day balloon string in her mouth. It was adorable watching the balloon chase her. She is so snuggly and playful. Who knew pigs were so darn cuddly?  It blows my mind, she actually uses a litter box. Missy is probably about 6 weeks old now and tiny. Her harness doesn't fit yet but the goal is for her to walk her on a leash. It is going to be super fun to take her on outings with our already stare worthy family.

Homesteading has kept us busy. We have about 200ft of fencing up. We found a nice 16ft gate on craigslist for only $100. Plans for a "lean to" have begun. Hopefully, we'll get all the supplies today. The idea is to have a large covered space by the shop to store firewood and animal straw and food. Our neighbor across the street gave us 3 large metal tubs we are going to use as raised garden beds. We have a solid plan for our new chicken coop and garden area. That will be the next project because planting starts in May. There will be one large coop with two runs. The runs will alternate from chickens to garden each year. It will be great to use the chickens to fertilize and prepare the ground. I am hoping to have at least 30 chickens. The neighbor also gave us an incubator so we will begin hatching our own eggs soon. I am so excited to do this with the kids. I would really like to breed our female goat to get milk and learn to keep bees but I'm going to wait until next year. We have a lot going on. The puppies are still over at my parents working with their guardian dogs so our chickens have been out and about on the whole property. One of the best feelings in the world for me is seeing chickens everywhere. It is a visual affirmation that my dream is coming true. That and having my mini pig follow me around the house. Life is good!

Being Authentic

It is not easy for me to open up about myself. It may seem to be, but I'm hiding behind a computer screen.We learned early in my family to keep secrets. However, being authentic is part of self acceptance and discovery. I am who I am. I've been through what I've been through. It makes me who I am today. I happen to like this person. I am a good mom and to me that is all that matters. I left my comfort zone in San Diego, to achieve my life long dreams. I need to acknowledge the path from which I came, to honor that path I walk now. It makes my accomplishments matter all that much more. Moving to Oregon has not been easy. That being said, I feel like we could not have a made a better decision for our family. Our stress level is down by 75%. Our priorities are in order. Everybody is happier, calmer, more peaceful. We are free from many of life's pointless distractions. Our attention is on each other. Where it belongs. Our family connection is stronger than it has ever been. This is time we will never get back. I am proud of how we are spending this time. I am proud of who I've become. I am proud I have the courage to tell my truth.

Life after addiction.

 I read an article about blogging suggesting I decide what story to tell. I feel like I have a few. The main being, what it is like to leave suburbia to start a homestead. Which, of course I am still figuring out. It seems in between that, I write a lot about mom stuff.  It occurred to me, I might have one more story to share. One of change. One of growth. One of recovery. I don't open up much about my past. I'd like to shed some light....because perhaps it could help someone out there struggling. Perhaps, someone will read this and see change is possible. Even for people like us. When I say us, I mean addicts and alcoholics. I am a recovering addict. Crystal meth is what took me over the edge. Although I used every drug I could get my hands on. Everyday! All day long! I started using when I was 16. I got clean when I was 24. I could tell you some horror stories. Horrible stories about a person long gone. Stories of violence and loss. Stories of suffering and pain. Delusion. Manipulation. Like the time, I lit my own house on fire to hide evidence. Another time I aimed an unloaded gun at my door, assuring the cops it was our time to die if they came in. The numerous times I crashed my car or woke up not knowing where I was. I have been to the depth of hell. There are those of you that have been there too. Some of you have watched others go. If it's something you just don't understand, be happy you don't. I was broken. I have wailed in suffering from the bottom of my soul. I didn't care if I saw the next day. I hurt. All the time. I hurt others....so badly. I abandoned morality. I lost everything. I gave up. I went crazy. I was empty. Wanting to change. Wanting to stop but unable to face what I'd done. Who I'd become. The only peace was the high.  The pain without it was immeasurable...unbearable. Truth is... it's all Bullshit. Drugs were the pain. Addiction is a cruel cycle. A twisted merry-go-round. It just got worse and worse until I almost didn't come back. But, I did. Damn it all, I did. I survived. I changed. I grew. I overcame. I am a happily married mother of five. I am a recovering addict.