Life after addiction.

 I read an article about blogging suggesting I decide what story to tell. I feel like I have a few. The main being, what it is like to leave suburbia to start a homestead. Which, of course I am still figuring out. It seems in between that, I write a lot about mom stuff.  It occurred to me, I might have one more story to share. One of change. One of growth. One of recovery. I don't open up much about my past. I'd like to shed some light....because perhaps it could help someone out there struggling. Perhaps, someone will read this and see change is possible. Even for people like us. When I say us, I mean addicts and alcoholics. I am a recovering addict. Crystal meth is what took me over the edge. Although I used every drug I could get my hands on. Everyday! All day long! I started using when I was 16. I got clean when I was 24. I could tell you some horror stories. Horrible stories about a person long gone. Stories of violence and loss. Stories of suffering and pain. Delusion. Manipulation. Like the time, I lit my own house on fire to hide evidence. Another time I aimed an unloaded gun at my door, assuring the cops it was our time to die if they came in. The numerous times I crashed my car or woke up not knowing where I was. I have been to the depth of hell. There are those of you that have been there too. Some of you have watched others go. If it's something you just don't understand, be happy you don't. I was broken. I have wailed in suffering from the bottom of my soul. I didn't care if I saw the next day. I hurt. All the time. I hurt others....so badly. I abandoned morality. I lost everything. I gave up. I went crazy. I was empty. Wanting to change. Wanting to stop but unable to face what I'd done. Who I'd become. The only peace was the high.  The pain without it was immeasurable...unbearable. Truth is... it's all Bullshit. Drugs were the pain. Addiction is a cruel cycle. A twisted merry-go-round. It just got worse and worse until I almost didn't come back. But, I did. Damn it all, I did. I survived. I changed. I grew. I overcame. I am a happily married mother of five. I am a recovering addict.