Aren't you excited?

My husband is finally making the journey to join us in Oregon. He left San Diego earlier this evening. Everybody that I have told this to has asked "Aren't you excited?" Truth be told, no, that is not how I am feeling. I am nervous. I am worried. Ok, there is apart of me that is happy. My husband takes a lot of energy. He dominates a lot of energy. It has been nice to be the dominate energy in the house. There are definitely some areas I am lacking....like discipline. Don't get me wrong, I am hard on my kids, which is why they aren't assholes. However, I do let some things slide. Most likely out of exhaustion. It is too hard to stay on top of 5 kids ALL the time. Daddy picks up the slack when I'm running outta steam. I sometimes feel there is a division in the family, with daddy. It's us and them. I have enjoyed the lack of separation. Honestly, I have missed it too. It is going to be a major adjustment in the house with both of us home. It may not last long. My biggest fear is I will lose some of myself I have found. I get so lost in all that I take care of. Night time used to be my husband's time. Here, the night has belonged all to me. I don't do "Me" easily. It has been really nice. Much needed! I know myself too well, by tomorrow night, It'll be back to "Us". Don't get me wrong..."Us" isn't so bad...it made all this.