It's all about sustainabilty

Today was a good day!. Despite a few minor set backs, two of our chickens disappeared last night. We had intended to do some major unpacking... instead we secured the chicken coop. It had to be done anyway. Gosh darn it, I really enjoyed it. I was filthy, digging in the dirt, securing chicken wire all along their area. Some creature had dug under the coop. I was really upset to find we had lost two of our baby chickens. We took the responsibility to care for these animals. It is our job to protect them. It had been on our list of to-dos, I just wish we had gotten to it sooner. It was sad listening to the mama chicken call to her babies the whole time I worked. My fingers are raw from twisting wire. My husband built a fantastic gate. Here is the best part, we made do with the materials we had laying around. It felt like our first major step in being sustainable and resourceful. It was awesome. All the kids helped out, we even built a scarecrow to help guard our chickens. What we really need is a guard dog. One is in the works,  but we may have to borrow one in the meantime. Even my dogs getting sprayed by a skunk didn't bring me down. I felt like a real farmer. I kept telling my husband "We're farming!".  I loved it. We finished the day with a tasty dinner, then snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. As I looked at my beautiful family all cuddled together, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and love. I am beyond blessed!

Too much stuff

My husband arrived last weekend in a 24ft. moving truck. The amount of crap is so overwhelming. I'm sure at some point I felt like I needed all these things.  Now I want it all to go away. I was doing just fine with out it, probably would have only noticed a few missing things as my life progressed. That being said, I know my husband had an overwhelming job getting it all here. It wasn't easy.  It's probably best he just brought it all, protecting himself from forgetting the one thing I  may have needed or perhaps a meaningful keepsake. Now, we are faced with the task of finding a place for it all or getting rid of it. I was feeling somewhat peaceful and organized. The arrival of my husband and way too much stuff has thrown a bit of chaos into the mix. In between caring for the kids, taking them to activities, and homeschool, we are slowly making progress. All in good time I suppose. My best friend is visiting in two weeks. I could not be more excited. I just hope we have made some progress on the current disaster. There are boxes everywhere!!!
It's hard to fit it all in. My oldest is doing archery in 4-H, and archery lessons. The middles are still in swimming. We now have 8 chickens, a pig, and a goat. Two more goats will be arriving in 2 weeks. It has been raining a bit but we need to secure the chicken coop, top and bottom. Then we need to finalize the goat/pig area. They also need a shelter. We are busy but it's a good busy. It's more fulfilling, not as stressful. Next week, we are going to Portland to visit family, celebrate Halloween and my hubbys' bday. We all deserve a little down time. Family fun time. It's good to all be together. It feels right! Now, if we can just get rid of some of this stuff!

Aren't you excited?

My husband is finally making the journey to join us in Oregon. He left San Diego earlier this evening. Everybody that I have told this to has asked "Aren't you excited?" Truth be told, no, that is not how I am feeling. I am nervous. I am worried. Ok, there is apart of me that is happy. My husband takes a lot of energy. He dominates a lot of energy. It has been nice to be the dominate energy in the house. There are definitely some areas I am lacking....like discipline. Don't get me wrong, I am hard on my kids, which is why they aren't assholes. However, I do let some things slide. Most likely out of exhaustion. It is too hard to stay on top of 5 kids ALL the time. Daddy picks up the slack when I'm running outta steam. I sometimes feel there is a division in the family, with daddy. It's us and them. I have enjoyed the lack of separation. Honestly, I have missed it too. It is going to be a major adjustment in the house with both of us home. It may not last long. My biggest fear is I will lose some of myself I have found. I get so lost in all that I take care of. Night time used to be my husband's time. Here, the night has belonged all to me. I don't do "Me" easily. It has been really nice. Much needed! I know myself too well, by tomorrow night, It'll be back to "Us". Don't get me wrong..."Us" isn't so bad...it made all this.

123.....Instant farm.

We had a wonderful day. While we were homeschooling, deer walked  by the window. It was an amazing moment. The kids were so excited. We were able to observe from behind the glass, so we got a nice long look. Then we headed about an hour away to pick up new additions to our family. We now have a pot-bellied pig and a pygmy goat. It was a pretty hilarious ride home. Pretty stinky too! My daughter, #2, came up with the name Grunt for the pig. Isn't that great? I'll keep you posted on what we name the goat. Our chicken coop is all set up. The chickens will be here tomorrow. It feels like things are coming along. My husband will be here this coming weekend. Though we don't really know what we are doing, we are jumping right in. Before you know it, we'll have a real farm. I am super excited! I have wanted a pot-bellied pig since I was 12 years old. My dreams are coming true.

A short fuse!

In the interest of keeping it real, I'm burnt. Ive run out of patience. I need a refueling desperately. It's to the point that even the sound of my children's voice is driving me nuts. I'm quick to snap. Stick a fork in me....I'm done. I made it pretty damn far though...going on 8weeks alone in the forest with 5 kids. My sister came for a quick visit this weekend. It was really nice. The company hit me hard on how very lonely I am. However, I am way more ok with being alone than I thought Id be. She awarded me high praises. Even though she too has read the blog, it was eye-opening to her how much I had taken on and where. Yep, it's the middle of nowhere! My sister is a pretty damn successful business owner. There are times, I'm jealous. Traveling! Freedom! I did have an "Ah Ha" moment, as Oprah would call it. If I would have put the same amount of energy I put into having a family into anything else, I would have been pretty damn successful too. I choose to have my energy go into having and raising 5 children. It is an accomplishment, one that I'm proud of. Yes, its different but by no means less.
 My husband should finally be here next weekend. I told him I'm not gonna cook for a whole month. One of the biggest conveniences I miss is food. I always thought we didn't eat out much...but there is something to be said for a quick pizza after a long day. None of that here. Our San Diego house is in Escrow. Our last offer fell through at the last minute. This one is 40,000 less. Can you spell desperate? When I think about it, I do get upset. I'm trying to let it go. This isn't about money, its about changing our lifestyle. Though we could use the fuckin money. If I could go back we would have done this very differently. We are digging deep in empty pockets. It's painful. Giving up comfort, convenience, and cash are all part of the deal...doesn't mean it's easy.  I do have some farming news...we are getting a small chicken coop tomorrow. Ive gotten the taste for farm fresh eggs and I want more. They are so much better!
 Ive gotten some feedback that comments have been lost here. I just want to say: Thank you so much to all that read this. If you want to leave a comment do so through or on the FB page. I love love love comments, questions or feedback!

Mama said......

It was just one of those days. My morning began early because I had to get everybody situated before I took Gizmo to the Vet. First thing I was greeted by when I walked out of my bedroom door, was a huge pile of dog shit. A perfect symbol for what today had in store. The vet took forever, and set me back a pretty penny. Wrapped in yellow bandages. The dog looks like a deformed banana. His shoulder is broken so he'll be disabled for the next two weeks. He cant walk. I have to carry him to do everything. Hey, no biggie...It's like have a 6th child. I got this. I got home just in time to feed then rush the kids out the door for Homeschool P.E. After that we went to a fabric store. Now, I have said I usually accept the consequences of missing nap but it was too much today. My children's screams could be heard through out the quiet store. Rolls upon rolls of fabric were pulled from the racks. Both my youngest were crying. My oldest was trying to help while #2 and #3 were running up and down the aisles. They were rolling plastic pumpkins and fighting nutcrackers. Playing peek-a-boo between the racks. It was horrible. The worst of the worst. I was trying to comfort the babies, #1 was chasing the others down. I was growling and threatening. Times out's were had in the middle of the floor. One customer actually told me she needed ear plugs to be in the store with us. When I hauled the kids out of the store, I was beyond pissed. As I was lecturing, this nice old man in the car next to us told me "your doing a good job, Mom". Yeah, right...he had obviously missed the episode of Bebe's kids my children had just reenacted in the store. Then, #2 had the nerve to ask me for a treat. I wanted to pull the car over right there to strangle(in the most loving way) her. We made it to #3's swim lesson. On the way home my eyes were burning, out of total exhaustion. I still had to make dinner when we got home. Oh...plus I got to carry the dog around to help him pee. Yippy! Mama said they'll be days like this.  Guess, I'll be glad they don't happen too often.

Shut up!!!!

As I am trying to write this my kids are screaming at the top of their lungs outside. I suppose if it's serious someone will come get me. My husband put in his notice at work today. In two weeks we will be together. I wont lie and say I haven't enjoyed it here without him. In the last  10+ years I have pretty much lived for everyone around me. My children always take first priority. After, they go to bed, my husband gets my attention. It has been very interesting seeing what I do when left up to my own devices. It has been great to spend some time with me. I like me. We haven't hung out in a LONG time. I forgot how much I like to read. It has been a lot of work. I am ready for my husband to come home. We have become involved in a lot of activities. The kids are in swim lessons, Homeschool P.E., and my son,#3, is playing soccer. Archery starts in a few weeks. The best benefit to homeschooling is the allowance of more free time. The kids and I are having a blast together. We cuddle, read stories, and play fight. They help me cook. When I start to get discouraged by all the new weirdness, I focus on how awesome it has been for my children. They are very happy. Yesterday, I drove everywhere and in between to pick up random finds off craigslist. It was exhausting but productive. We finally have a couch. In doing a majority of all this lifting, I can already tell a difference in my muscles.
 One of my dogs broke his leg today. I had just finished giving both dogs a bath. I tied Gizmo up to dry in the sun. He has been wandering off which is not safe here at all.. Basically he dragged the chair he was tied to and jumped through the porch railing. He ended up hurting himself pretty good. We have an appt. for him in the morning. It had been a rare quiet moment, I had just sat down on my new couch, with a Buddhism book about practicing mindfulness, when I heard the yelping. It is never a dull moment.

Feeling a little discouraged

There is a weekly playgroup at a local woman's house on Fridays. We made our first appearance today. I am feeling discouraged. Luckily the kids had a great time. I'm sure they were just happy to be playing with other children. I am so new to this area. It is so unknown. The little parts Ive discovered make my ugly judgmental head rear up. People is San Diego are so put together. Image is not so important out here in the country. That's what I want. I want my kids raised believing image isn't everything...or anything. However, I find myself so programed by my upbringing that I get caught up on image. I'm not sure I will fit in here. This is a very rural area. There is a post office and a grocery store but not much else. The income level is pretty low. There isn't even a police department. Of course that makes this a fantastic place to grow marijuana. It grows so thick here, I can smell it in the air. The mix of people is eclectic. There is large religious population. I'm just feeling so out of place. The moms and their children are so soft spoken. I roll in with my colored hair, tattoos, drinking organic coconut water, screaming....I'm from California. I feel like a stereotype. I don't eat meat. I love organic food. All the children here are so quiet...mine are not. They introduce themselves, join in on conversations, interrupt, and yell. Are country kids shy? Are they taught to be quiet? Are we intimidating? It is just so different, I'm not sure I have the words to explain it. I will say that everybody is very nice. They really are. I'm the outsider. I'm the one who has moved from a place where image is everything. I want to let go of my criticism. Be me and be free!

Finally....Some Farm Action!

Remember back when I went to that garage sale...met a nice mom that invited us to play with her pigs? Well, we finally made it over there today. Very interesting! They breed pigs for slaughter. She has 4 kids, 8 dogs, 4 horses, and plenty of pigs. One of them is actually due to deliver this weekend. I asked her to call me so I could watch. I'll keep my fingers crossed. They have 44 acres. Amazing. My children were very well behaved. I was proud. I would say the "city" in them shined bright. At one point they were throwing clumps of mud when the little girl said "I wouldn't touch that....It's cow poop." HAHA! I will confess, my kids were a bit wimpy in comparison to hers. My son, #3, got a splinter there, you'd have thought his finger got ripped off. Geez! I need to start working on my kids having country confidence and manners. We all got along pretty well. It was pleasant. I have to say I was a bit intimidated. I long to be a horse-riding, boot wearing, country farm girl. However, at this point I am far from it. I felt naïve and out of my element. I fought hard to not judge. There definitely is a difference between real country folk and city folk. I would really like to be friends with them. They could teach me a lot. It was awesome to spend some time on a real farm. Someday, I'll have one too!