I'm ready...well not ready ready...but ready to go.

Holy Moly, I'm ready to go. Now, the car isn't packed but it will be by tonight. I mean emotionally mentally ready to go. The fact that my hubby isn't coming hurts my feelings.  We have to do what it takes. We will be together soon. The last few days have been overwhelming. We went out the other night, let off some steam. It was exactly what I needed. The night just screamed closure to me. I hugged friends I wont see again, at least for a long time. Friends I expected to be there, didn't show up. Some friends shined beyond any expectation I could ever have. Some friends disappointed. I found clarity. The bar was seedy. I saw so much sadness there, so much loneliness. I saw judgment. I danced like no body was watching. I loved hard and spoke from my heart. When I woke up in the morning, I knew I was done here. I don't want to live this kind of life anymore. There was a moment in all the chaos of the last few days when my husband pulled over the car to take #3 to the bathroom. I watched my little man chase after my big man to make it to the potty in time. I laughed out loud at his little duck feet flying out trying to keep pace. My heart swelled, watching him waddle back to the car holding daddy's hand with pride on his face. I remembered the reason were moving. I have him and 4 other huge reasons. If I just keep reminding myself why I'm really doing this. It is going to be ok. My Babies are everything to me. This new life is for them.