I am making an effort in this blog to be honest and forthcoming. Honest is easy for me but the whole forthcoming thing is not at all. I'm not much of a liar. Almost always tell the truth, but maybe not the whole truth. When it comes to my personal life, I have learned to be very private. I'm trying to overcome that. Who cares what people think? I want to be me...be ok with it...be open...and own my shit. No Secrets! Well, not quite that forthcoming, I'll start with open. My husband left today from his 5 day visit. I have mixed feelings. I had mixed feelings though the whole visit. There were parts of me that loved having him here. I loved hanging out with him after the kids went to bed. I love that he is strong. I loved having help with the kids. I loved watching him give a stab at homeschool.
I loved making plans for the property together. He takes care of me. On the other hand his constant dishing out of reality was driving me crazy. "Where are we gonna get the money for that?" There was lots of eye rolling. I'm a glass half full kinda person and he definitely sees it as half empty. My husband has a large persona. It feels like he takes over a bit. Even worse, I let him. It's not something I really noticed before. I've been running the show...doing everything myself...my way. It was a challenge to not resent him. I'm pretty sure all these feelings are normal. Marriage is a funny thing....not always sugar and roses. The emotions can range all the way from adoration to disgust in a single day. In the end, when we returned home from the airport, it just didn't feel right here without him. As gruff as he is. He's ours. We need him here! Until then, I'll be honest, I'll enjoy sleeping sprawled out in the middle of the bed.
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