We took a few days to visit Portland. It was pleasant and stressful. Lots of crying. One kid got sick. We didn't get to go to the children's museum. Visited some amazing people and ate some fantastic food. I am serious, eating in Portland is on a whole different level. Everyone must try it!
I have been pretty impressed with the amount of rain since we moved here. It really hasn't rained as much as I thought it would. However, spring is here and it is still raining. Apparently, March and April are the rainy months. Arg...I'm so over the rain. It will be wonderful for our garden. A few dry days to build our new chicken coop and begin planting would be welcome.
I haven't been feeling too good lately. I'm sure the lack of sun has something to do with it. My woman "cycle" has been pretty much nonstop. I have a lot of body aches, cramps, and back pain. I have been pursuing medical answers. Yesterday, during a pelvic ultrasound/exam two masses were found in my uterus. I will have surgery soon to have them removed and tested. Of course, I am nervous but I will do my best to try not to worry. Yep...it might be cancer...and it might not. So for now, rain and cancer go away!
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
As a person...a parent...a partner...I'm running out of steam. What is the solution?
The demands on us in life are never ending. What is the answer when you just feel like you are running out of steam? I heard someone once say to not think about it. It's pointless to antagonize about all that's overwhelming. Shut up, put up, and show up. I do. Often. Don't dwell...just handle it. The last few days have been stressful. Nothing in particular has happened. I just feel bad for the kids. I am running out of patience. The sound of their voices is driving me crazy. I have stopped hearing the content of their verbal diarrhea completely. I pretty much want to hide. Which of course, isn't going to happen. We spend an enormous amount of time together. The hubby is getting on my nerves too. I need a break. I need to recoup. Again, not going to happen. So what is the solution? What does one do when they are running on empty and refueling isn't in sight? This would be the fantastic part where I come up with an incredible answer, but I don't have one. I guess I'll muddle through until a great night of sleep refreshes me or maybe I just need a kick in the pants. As of now, my baby is refusing to go to sleep so I'll go sooth him, suppressing my desire to throttle instead.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Life with Kids-Advice from a mother of 5~!!
Thought I'd share a few things I have learned having five kids. Some ideas may seem obvious but others didn't set in for me until well into life with 5 kids.
1. Relax- Being stressed out just sets a stressed out example for your kids. They will learn quickly to stress and do it often. Show them how to calm down, relax, and enjoy life. Stress is a part of life but it doesn't have to be the main event. When stress is legit, try to give examples of good stress management. It's ok to tell the kids you need a break. Take a bath. Go for a run. Scream in your pillow. Even have a cocktail, as long as its not the only example you give.
2. Let it go. It can't all be done. Point, blank, period. Its not possible to make every party or event. It is so overwhelming to try to get every chore done. They just start right over so why fret? Set aside a certain amount of time to clean everyday and do what you can. Balance responsibilities with fun. Accomplish with out overdoing it. Prioritize. Good moms have laundry piles, sticky floors, and happy kids.
3. Pick your battles. Most children are pretty much constant button pushers. It takes a lot of repetition and consistency. There has to be a little give and take between you and the kids. Stick to your guns on the big stuff but let up a little on the little things. It gives kids a sense of self and accomplishment. I am finding this exceptionally true as I begin to raise a teenager. She wants to feel independent and I need her to follow the rules. A little compromise goes along way in building a strong relationship.
4. When in doubt- Play! Overwhelmed? Tired? Stressed? Drop it all....sit on the floor...grab a doll....or some play dough and just play. Be present! Soak up that amazing light that is your child! Even if it's just for 10 minutes. It will make you both feel so much better! I swear!
5. Acces the danger. How hurt could they actually get? If the outome may be a scratch on the knee or a bump....ride it out. Scars build character. The world is a hard place and you cant keep your kids in a bubble. Let them learn to cope with the small stuff...it's good practice for life's bigger boo-boos.
6. Push the limits of your comfort zone. Hate bugs? Pretend to love them. Dislike pickles? At least let your kids try them. Don't let your fear or anxieties shape your children's.
7. Don't sweat the small stuff. There are a lot of little trails in child raising. Cut yourself and your child a break. In the scheme of things...most of it's not a big deal! Accidents, mistakes, forgetfulness....It's gonna happen. Go with the flow. Focus on the positive! Save the worry for deserving issues. Finding out your baby has cancer, now that is something to freak out about. They forgot their lunch box or the car got a flat...not a biggie. Put things in perspective! Teach your kids reasonable emotional reactions!
9. Accept. Accept yourself. Accept them. Accept the mess. Accept you will be late on occasion. Accept stains. Accept spills. Accept lack of sleep. The more you accept that these things will happen the easier your life will be.
10. Be prepared-Expect the unexpected. Bring juice boxes. emergency lollipops. snacks, change of cloths, first aid kit, or cash. Things can change pretty quickly with kids. Don't be blindsided by a detour-Go with it!
11. Sing. Make everything into a song. Life with kids is much better as a musical.
12. Lower your expectations. Not of your children but on situations. Face it- you'll be late sometimes. Your kids will be dirty. You will be tired...so will they. Setting too high a standard is a recipe for disaster. Life is what happens when we make plans.
13. Try, Try again. If your little one spits out the first olive he eats, try another one in a few months. Perhaps the first attempt at soccer is a disaster. Don't give up! Sometimes, we decide what they are good at or what they like/don't like before they do. Don't define them. Life is new as a child. Let them explore and try again.
1. Relax- Being stressed out just sets a stressed out example for your kids. They will learn quickly to stress and do it often. Show them how to calm down, relax, and enjoy life. Stress is a part of life but it doesn't have to be the main event. When stress is legit, try to give examples of good stress management. It's ok to tell the kids you need a break. Take a bath. Go for a run. Scream in your pillow. Even have a cocktail, as long as its not the only example you give.
2. Let it go. It can't all be done. Point, blank, period. Its not possible to make every party or event. It is so overwhelming to try to get every chore done. They just start right over so why fret? Set aside a certain amount of time to clean everyday and do what you can. Balance responsibilities with fun. Accomplish with out overdoing it. Prioritize. Good moms have laundry piles, sticky floors, and happy kids.
3. Pick your battles. Most children are pretty much constant button pushers. It takes a lot of repetition and consistency. There has to be a little give and take between you and the kids. Stick to your guns on the big stuff but let up a little on the little things. It gives kids a sense of self and accomplishment. I am finding this exceptionally true as I begin to raise a teenager. She wants to feel independent and I need her to follow the rules. A little compromise goes along way in building a strong relationship.
4. When in doubt- Play! Overwhelmed? Tired? Stressed? Drop it all....sit on the floor...grab a doll....or some play dough and just play. Be present! Soak up that amazing light that is your child! Even if it's just for 10 minutes. It will make you both feel so much better! I swear!
5. Acces the danger. How hurt could they actually get? If the outome may be a scratch on the knee or a bump....ride it out. Scars build character. The world is a hard place and you cant keep your kids in a bubble. Let them learn to cope with the small stuff...it's good practice for life's bigger boo-boos.
6. Push the limits of your comfort zone. Hate bugs? Pretend to love them. Dislike pickles? At least let your kids try them. Don't let your fear or anxieties shape your children's.
7. Don't sweat the small stuff. There are a lot of little trails in child raising. Cut yourself and your child a break. In the scheme of things...most of it's not a big deal! Accidents, mistakes, forgetfulness....It's gonna happen. Go with the flow. Focus on the positive! Save the worry for deserving issues. Finding out your baby has cancer, now that is something to freak out about. They forgot their lunch box or the car got a flat...not a biggie. Put things in perspective! Teach your kids reasonable emotional reactions!
9. Accept. Accept yourself. Accept them. Accept the mess. Accept you will be late on occasion. Accept stains. Accept spills. Accept lack of sleep. The more you accept that these things will happen the easier your life will be.
10. Be prepared-Expect the unexpected. Bring juice boxes. emergency lollipops. snacks, change of cloths, first aid kit, or cash. Things can change pretty quickly with kids. Don't be blindsided by a detour-Go with it!
11. Sing. Make everything into a song. Life with kids is much better as a musical.
12. Lower your expectations. Not of your children but on situations. Face it- you'll be late sometimes. Your kids will be dirty. You will be tired...so will they. Setting too high a standard is a recipe for disaster. Life is what happens when we make plans.
13. Try, Try again. If your little one spits out the first olive he eats, try another one in a few months. Perhaps the first attempt at soccer is a disaster. Don't give up! Sometimes, we decide what they are good at or what they like/don't like before they do. Don't define them. Life is new as a child. Let them explore and try again.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
We have taken our first step to becoming foster parents!
I am so excited. I am literally shaking. I just got off the phone with the new foster parent coordinator for Southern Oregon. We have signed up for the first part of the process, which is a series of 8 classes. After we take the classes, we will begin the application process. That's the hard part. They will do home inspections, run background checks, and check our references. It can take up to 6 months before a child is placed in the home. I'm not sure I can explain how much I want this. In my time of active addiction I witnessed children in horrible situations. I helped where I could but it was never enough. Children without food. Kids with mean screaming abusive parents. Children left alone...for way too long. Dirty and frightened little babies. It was heartbreaking. No Christmas tress. No birthday parties. No security. No love. When I left that life, I swore I would pay back all the wrong I had done. I decided shortly after getting clean that I wanted to be a foster parent. My husband and I tried in San Diego after we got married. I was told more time needed to pass between me and my past for me to be considered. Even then it was unlikely. At the time, I was pretty devastated. I learned that policies for foster care were different in Oregon, which made just another reason to move. Anyway, I'm here now and I'm trying again. I want this so badly. I have done my share of procreation, I think it would be awesome to spread the love. There are so many children out there in need. I am apprehensive. It is possible I wont qualify. I'll keep my fingers crossed that Oregon will bring yet another dream come true. If not, I may just have to pop out one more.
Monday, March 9, 2015
Get your face out of your f*cking phone!!!!!!
I can't be the only person worried about this phone obsessed generation. I recently took my 12 year old daughter to her first concert and was blown away by the lack of interaction. The crowd consisted of mostly teenagers. At least half of them had their faces buried in their phones. They were texting during the concert. Putting themselves on Facebook or Instagram. What happened to enjoying the moment? Being present? Phones seem to have become a security blanket for a lot of people. Awkward in a crowd...get on your phone. Waiting in line....stare at your phone. People have to be missing some possible epic encounters.
Another thing that absolutely drives me crazy is chidren staring at phones in restaurants. Mommy and daddy want to talk so they pop a video on for junior. Toddlers stare with blank faces at tiny screens, picking at their food and hardly interacting. Even better is when a child starts to act out and a phone is immediately put in front of them. What is the message? What happened to teaching our children how to act in public? These phases will pass. Its possible children will learn to make eye contact on their own. It's possible the ability to make small talk will develop. I just have my doubts. It seems our connection to each other is diminishing.
At the grocery store the other day a car was backing up from a parking spot right into my daughter. I started yelling and approached the window. The driver literally had his phone right in his face. Needless to say I had some harsh words for the man. "Get your face out of your "f*cking phone...you almost hit my daughter.
In general, I think it's time we all put the f*cking phone down. There is at time and place for the phone. Not for driving. Not at the dinner table...not at a freakin concert, its not a babysitter, and it's far from a lesson in etiquette. Hello??? Life is going on all around you. Embrace it! Face up. Phone down. Smile! Have a conversation! Interact with each other. No one will ever die wishing they had spent more time on their phone!!!
Another thing that absolutely drives me crazy is chidren staring at phones in restaurants. Mommy and daddy want to talk so they pop a video on for junior. Toddlers stare with blank faces at tiny screens, picking at their food and hardly interacting. Even better is when a child starts to act out and a phone is immediately put in front of them. What is the message? What happened to teaching our children how to act in public? These phases will pass. Its possible children will learn to make eye contact on their own. It's possible the ability to make small talk will develop. I just have my doubts. It seems our connection to each other is diminishing.
At the grocery store the other day a car was backing up from a parking spot right into my daughter. I started yelling and approached the window. The driver literally had his phone right in his face. Needless to say I had some harsh words for the man. "Get your face out of your "f*cking phone...you almost hit my daughter.
In general, I think it's time we all put the f*cking phone down. There is at time and place for the phone. Not for driving. Not at the dinner table...not at a freakin concert, its not a babysitter, and it's far from a lesson in etiquette. Hello??? Life is going on all around you. Embrace it! Face up. Phone down. Smile! Have a conversation! Interact with each other. No one will ever die wishing they had spent more time on their phone!!!
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